Food Police: How many calories are in that olive?

And, does it matter whether it is a black olive, or a green olive?  Luckily, we’ll soon find out.  Given the obvious, clear cut dangers to our health posed by salad bars, the Affordable Health Choices Act being pushed by Sen. Dodd (D. Ct.) will come to our rescue.  This proposed legislation provides,

Section 403(q) of the Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act is amened by adding (H)(iii)…in the case of food sold at a salad bar,…a restaurant [with 20 or more locations doing business under the same name]…shall place adjacent to each food offered a sign that lists calories per displayed item or per serving…

You can find this laughable section beginning at page 401, line 22 of the above link.  I’ll let you ponder who pays for these signs, and how large the serving area will have to grow to accommodate all these signs.  I just hope I’m not in line at the “salad bar of the future” behind someone who wants to read each and every sign for each and every food item before making a selection.

But, it gets worse.  Subsection (viii) is also added to provide,

…in the case of food sold from a vending machine that…is operated by a person who [owns or operates] 20 or more vending machines, the vending machine operator shall provide a sign in close proximity to each article of food…that includes a clear and conspicuous statement disclosing the number of calories in the article.

You can find this section of the proposed legislation beginning at page 404, line 4.  So, I’m wondering, with all these clear and conspicuous signs on the outside glass of vending machines, will we even be able to see what’s inside?

Feeling left out as you don’t own 20 or more restaurants, or 20 or more vending machines?  Well, not to worry.  Subsection (ix) provides that you can choose to be covered by the above rules if you want to!  Any volunteers?

I sincerely wish I was making this stuff up.  It is so silly that it is better suited to a Three Stooges comedy routine than a federal program paid for with your money.  But, on the bright side, thousands will become employed checking each restaurant and vending machine to ensure compliance.